Why do We Fall for the Wrong People?

Relationships play a key role in our lives. Many of us dream of finding the right person straight away.  Still, reality is different, and things are more complicated than we expect. As a result, we often deal with disappointment, heartbreaks, and confusion. But why does this happen? Why do we frequently find ourselves attracted to the wrong people? What are the reasons? Let’s try to understand this tendency, and look at it from different angles.

Chemistry often causes us to overlook red flags or negative traits in the very beginning. Once you meet someone you feel excited about, nothing can destroy your pink world. You feel thrilled, as though this person could be ‘the one’.  A mixture of emotional connection, physical attraction, and laughter may provide a mistaken illusion of the ideal partner.  But it is a trick that people get into every day.  Sooner or later, you will understand that the initial chemistry and the reality have nothing in common.

Have you ever heard about unconscious patterns that every person deals with? Our past relationships can shape the kinds of people we are attracted to, sometimes leading us to fall for the wrong person. The co-founder of Victoriyaclub.com explains that people often find themselves attracted to individuals who remind them of past experiences. For example, if when being a kid, you had to earn the love of your parents in different ways, then more likely, you will choose the same partner when you are an adult. Our brains remember everything, and it may look for some kind of similarity. Hence, if your previous connection was full of problems, then you may experience the same dynamics again and again.

While feeling alone can sometimes be a good thing, most people are very afraid of loneliness. They prefer to start relationships with the first person who enters their life even if understand that that particular person is not their ideal match. This is especially true for those who feel pressured by societal expectations to be in a relationship. As a result, we desperately push ourselves into the relationship. Will things work out in this case? For sure, no! You shouldn’t choose a companionship of the person until you feel security, love, and attention. Fear of loneliness is not the reason to get connected with the wrong people. Otherwise, you may deal with desperation and emotional exhaustion.

Love is blind, yeah? You may even not notice negative traits of the person at first, as you are in love and believe that you have met your special one at once.  When falling for a problematic person, we often believe we can fix their flaws. While showing support is crucial, we can’t make any fixes until the desire for changes comes from that very person. Unfortunately, we often refuse to see the truth and fundamental traits of partners which leads to the waste of time and disappointment. You can't be someone’s savior, so avoid falling into the trap of unrealistic expectations.

A level of self-esteem plays a key role in choosing a partner. People with low self-esteem may feel they don’t deserve a healthy relationship, leading them to settle for less. They choose unhealthy connections and put up with bad attitudes instead of being happy. Confident individuals are more likely to seek relationships built on trust, support, and love. If you recognize low self-esteem and put an effort into improving it, your chances of meeting the right person will be high. This is the best way to avoid falling for the wrong people.

Social media, romantic books, and soap - operas may give us the wrong image of a healthy relationship. We usually feel enthusiastic when seeing some nice story of true love, but none of us knows what stands behind it.  Bloggers and other famous people may even fabricate these stories or exaggerate the facts for their own gain. Photoshopped pictures of happy people and video shorts have an incredible effect on the audience. People start focusing on building similar relationships when they need another kind of connection and a person by their side. 

If you want to get out of a rut, you should be ready for hard work. First of all, you need to take some time and heal from previous relationships. Stop jumping from one relationship to another. Being dishonest with yourself is the worst thing you can do.  Set personal boundaries and understand your real desires. Find new interests, join different communities, and promise not to agree to the less you deserve. You can’t build happy and healthy relationships until you fool yourself.  Making better decisions must be your priority, but it takes a lot of time and effort before you succeed. Avoid blaming yourself by making the same mistake again and again, just focus on your needs and move forward.

At some point in life, we may fall for the wrong people for various reasons. However, we should embrace these experiences as valuable lessons for future relationships. It is important to understand and analyze why we fall for the wrong people to start making smarter decisions. Prioritizing yourself, focusing on your true desires, improving your self-esteem, and working with relationship patterns can greatly contribute to making new happy connections.