A breakup is never easy. If you broke up with a narcissist, no one around you understands why you're in pain. They neglected you, right? Even your logical self may not know why you feel sad and heartbroken.

Someone may think, "The narcissist broke up with me, but I still feel empty," because these relationships are rarely closed healthily. Either your partner had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or displayed ego-centered behavior, they may leave without explanation, deny responsibility, or twist the story to make you feel at fault.

This lack of closure can create confusion, self-doubt, and a longing for answers that may never come. To move forward, it's not just about what you should do but also about things to never do after breaking up with a narcissist.

Studies show that people leaving relationships marked by narcissistic abuse experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress than other types of breakups. For example, a study of 500 narcissistic abuse survivors showed that 82% of them developed anxiety symptoms, 70% C-PTSD, 65% depression, and 55% dissociation [1].

When the narcissist broke up with you, the hardest part isn't the end itself. The hardest part is wondering why this happened, and a narcissist test can give you answers whether your partner could have had a mental condition or is simply a bad person. That can be an explanation, a closure that is lacking after the breakup. 

Also, be ready to be sceptical. What narcissists subconsciously do is they try to undermine your trust in other people. That’s why you may be so suspicious of sharing your doubts with others or building new relationships. It’s like you almost wait to be hurt.

Getting over a breakup with a narcissist is possible. But you need firm boundaries, a ton of self-care, and a drizzle of acceptance. Don't know where to start? Consider these 5 things to never do after breaking up with a narcissist.

1. Don't stay in touch with an ex unless it's absolutely necessary

It's natural to want to talk things through after a breakup. Most people hope for answers and apologies. You may feel so hurt that you hope that your narcissistic ex will realize how important you were to him and will crawl back. But in reality, a narcissist would never do anything that would benefit somebody else.

The communication style of a narcissist is about control. They may "hoover" (a term used in recovery communities to describe how narcissists suck people back in with promises, apologies, or crises). Re-engaging with a toxic partner after separation is one of the strongest predictors of relapse into unhealthy relationship cycles.

What to do instead of supporting communication with a narcissist:

• Set strict boundaries.

• If co-parenting, use structured platforms (like OurFamilyWizard) that document communication.

• If possible, go no-contact. If they consistently invalidate your needs, it may be time to ask family or legal structures for help.

2. Don't neglect yourself

One thing to never do after breaking up with a narcissist is to neglect yourself. Narcissistic relationships drain energy because so much effort goes into managing someone else's emotions. Afterward, many people feel fatigued because of an irregular diet and neglecting hobbies.

People who exhibit narcissistic signs usually increase their self-worth by downgrading their partners or family members. Therefore, you may feel so bad about yourself and less confident. But self-neglect after a breakup leads to even greater loss of self-worth, which eventually ends in depression or C-PTSD [2]. When you don't care for yourself, the narcissistic ex still has control over you.

What to do instead of neglecting yourself:

• Return to basics. Hydrate yourself, clock in at least 7 hours of sleep, eat healthily, and move regularly, even just on walks.

• Revisit dreams or hobbies postponed in the relationship. If you don't have one, it's time to find something you love.

• Treat self-care as non-negotiable. At least 10-30 minutes a day should be just for you. No gadgets, no kids, no distractions.

1. Don't jump straight into another relationship

Loneliness after leaving a narcissist can feel unbearable. The temptation to find comfort in someone new is strong, but rebound relationships are a pill for the symptom, not a cure for the disease.

For people who live with narcissistic partners, the risk of falling into the same trap is high. Unresolved wounds attract partners with similar toxic traits, keeping you trapped in cycles. In attachment theory, this is called "repetition compulsion," the unconscious drive to recreate familiar pain. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City is a vivid example of this phenomenon. She repeatedly chose partners echoing her past wounds.

Vice versa, abused ones can become abusers. There are a few reasons for such a reaction:

• Narcissistic partners erase the identity of significant others. After the breakup with a narcissist, another partner feels lost, and the only “powerful” example they had was their toxic ex. That’s why sometimes partners with narcissistic exes may also adopt narcissistic features.

• Narcissistic victim mentality. A person who got out of toxic relationships may feel entitled to people being good towards them. They seek empathy and protection, sometimes adopting a coping mechanism of denying responsibility and blaming others.

• Idealization. Even when a breakup was desired, and a person feels better without a narcissistic ex, they might idealize them. They would consider them strong, assertive, and decisive, pushing people to follow their narcissistic exes' example. 

What to do instead of rebound relationships:

• Build a relationship with yourself first. Spend evenings alone without rushing to fill the silence.

• Strengthen existing friendships and hobbies. They can remind you who you are outside romance.

Reframe solitude as empowerment. Being single is a chance to design a life without compromise.

1. Don't try to take revenge

When a narcissist breaks up with you, you may feel humiliated, manipulated, or betrayed. Revenge may feel like justice, but it's one of the most important things not to do after breaking up with a narcissist. For narcissists, your attempts to avenge only feed their sense of importance. They adore it when your world still revolves around them.

Think of Shakespeare's Hamlet or more modern films like Gone Girl. Both show how revenge consumes the person seeking it. In real life, it can tie you to the very dynamic you're desperate to escape.

What to do instead of revenge:

• Redirect that fiery energy toward your own progress. Sports work the best, but something as simple as baking can be beneficial. Others choose completely different goals, such as pursuing a new degree or career.

• Remember that indifference is more painful than any insult. When you stop caring, they lose their grip.

2. Don't expect answers or closure from them

One of the cruelest realities after a narcissist breaks up with you is realizing you may never get closure. Narcissists rarely acknowledge wrongdoing.

Waiting for them to explain "why" extends your pain. It's totally normal to wonder "why" or "for what," but these thoughts may end up in rumination and, eventually, anxiety.

Unfortunately, waiting for answers is one of the things to never do after breaking up with a narcissist. Now it's your responsibility to look for answers. Yes, it's unfair, but so are narcissists.

What to do instead of waiting for answers:

• Create self-closure rituals. For example, write a goodbye letter you never send, burn old keepsakes, or journal your own ending.

• Therapy or trauma-informed support groups can help you grieve the lack of answers.

Sources (Accessed August 2025):

1. The Silent Scars of Narcissistic Abuse: Quantitative Insights and Emerging Therapies for Victim Recovery. Vidyut Singh. November 2024.

2. Effects of Narcissistic Abuse on Victim Mental Health. Annu Pandey. 2024.